The Dinners for Democracy discussion guides covering each chapter of Ordinary People, Extraordinary Times highlight the main points of the chapter, offer questions for reflection and discussion, and reference actions you can take in your community.
In Chapter 5 of Ordinary People, Extraordinary Times, Democracy Forward CEO Skye Perryman encourages us to “get serious about fear, courage, and joy” because these are reasonable and valuable responses to our political climate. Fear is both a tool of autocratic regimes and an appropriate response to threats, courage is how we move forward even when afraid, and joy sustains us as we continually navigate both fear and courage. Chapter 5 guides us through the range of emotions ordinary people feel in extraordinary times.
Understanding Fear
Skye describes the moral and ethical values that underlie our commitments to democracy as: “ethical obligations, our Constitution, professional standards, and our own moral compass create guardrails that check abuses of power and allow the promise of democracy to flourish” (p. 134). Skye continues, “Yet, such guardrails are not welcomed by autocratic actors, who seek to threaten people and institutions that run counter to their political agenda.” (pp. 134-5).
Authoritarian leaders and movements use intimidation, threats, shaming, and coercion to overwhelm or scare people into inaction or compliance. As we learned in Chapter 2: Achieving Information Sobriety, fear is often propagated through misinformation and disinformation campaigns. Polarization is also increased when these campaigns scapegoat vulnerable groups, as discussed in Chapter 4: Practice Tailgate Accountability. These strategies to manipulate and intimidate add up and create a fearful environment where we no longer trust ourselves or our neighbors. Skye explains, “Anti-democracy actors use fear to target opponents or institutions that they perceive are not aligned with their vision. Truth-telling becomes risky and taking a stand becomes riskier still” (p. 137).
While fear is an understandable, and even appropriate, response to these attacks, we must be willing to take risks even when we are afraid. As Skye notes in the book, many communities—including Black and brown, immigrant, and LGBTQIA+ communities—have lived with these fears for decades or centuries and have still courageously acted, throughout our country’s history, to bring about needed social change. We all need courage to engage in this kind of resistance together now.
Practicing Courage
Taking values-aligned action, even while you are afraid, is courageous. Skye writes, “The courage of ordinary people is essential for our democracy, yet we must learn to build our practice of courage. It requires vulnerability, risk, and being uncomfortable. And this requires hard work—we must offer ourselves grace as we learn” (p. 140). The good news is that we do not have to build or practice courage alone. Democracy is about practicing courage together. As Skye makes clear, we all need to “practice [courage] each day in small ways, so that—together—we make a big impact” (p. 145).
The following table, adapted from pp. 145-147 of the book, offers guidance on ways to build and practice courage.
Eight Steps to Build Courage
01. Define and clarify your values.
Reflect on what matters to you and on what motivates your courage. Write a personal motto or list of guiding values.
02. Courage is a practice. Fake it ‘til you make it.
Identify places and ways to take small courageous actions, like voicing your disagreement in a meeting. Slowly build your capacity for courageous action.
03. Examine where your courage is needed and make a plan.
Consider where in your life and community courage is needed. Make a plan for how you can show up courageously in the space of that need.
04. Courage is contagious. Build community so you don’t always have to go it alone.
Lead by example in your community. Build community with people who inspire you to be more courageous.
05. Ground your actions in gratitude for our courageous friends and ancestors.
Learn about the people whose courage has shaped your life for the better. Consider how you can follow their leadership.
06. Approach fear with curiosity.
Ask questions when you are fearful; consider why you are afraid of a particular event, policy, or action.
07. Do not let the cost of acting lead you to underestimate the cost of inaction.
Consider the costs of both taking courageous action and failing to do so. While inaction may seem less costly in the short term, consider the long term consequences of inaction.
08. Just do it.
Take action; do it afraid.
Embracing Joy
The experience of joy energizes and motivates our courageous action. Skye tells us, “Joy is important to the work of opposing extremism, fighting for freedom, and reimagining democracies. In terror-inducing circumstances, finding joy is an act of resistance. Just as building community is a statement of defiance against autocratic forces that seek to divide us, embracing joy stands in opposition to the fear that autocratic actors aim to impose” (p. 148).
The following table, adapted from pp. 151-152, suggests some ways to find and practice joy.
Practice habits of daily joy.
Identify what you can do every day that brings you joy: take a walk, listen to music, read a book, call a friend, or play with a pet or your kids.
Focus on rituals.
Keep rituals—meaningful habits that bring you joy—alive, or create new ones. For example, go to a live sporting event or concert once a month, meditate daily, bake cookies on Saturdays, or attend a weekly religious service.
Embrace gratitude.
Focus on what you are grateful for by keeping a gratitude journal or by having regular gratitude conversations with friends or family.
Don’t forget art and nature.
Try to access art and nature each day. For example, you could listen to music, read poetry, watch the sunset, go for a hike, garden, or birdwatch.
Laugh out loud.
Find something or someone that makes you laugh. Watch a stand-up special, call a funny friend, or listen to a funny podcast.
Strengthen community.
Find ways to engage with people to enhance your connection and joy.
Questions for Reflection and Discussion
- When you consider our social and political climate, what is currently making you afraid?
- Who—from history or in your own life—do you find courageous and why?
- Reflect on a time you took courageous action (i.e. you acted even though you were scared). What motivated your courage?
- What people, communities, or spaces need your courage today? How can you work with others in your discussion group to show courage together?
- What practices and experiences bring you joy? How might you make more room for joy in your life?
Download the Discussion Guide and Learn More About Dinners for Democracy
Turn an ordinary gathering into a chance to connect, talk honestly, and take meaningful action. Learn more about hosting a dinner and download the discussion guide and host toolkit here.